Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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