Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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