Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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