babies were throwing up all over the place
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
