You don't have asthma, your pregnant
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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