yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
