There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
