I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
