Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
