At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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