i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
