u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
