I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
