I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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