Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
