Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
