talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I could make wine with my vomit
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
