one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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