The best revenge is premature balding
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
