mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you have to choose: penises or morals?
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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