There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
