the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
