well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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