i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
