Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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