oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
