Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
