ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
