after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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