Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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