Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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