4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So drunk its hurt
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
