i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize