I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
