fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
