K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
