Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
