It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
