Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
