Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
