mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
