the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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