Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
