Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
