A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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