2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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