Got a toothbrush?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize