just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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