so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
