Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
