my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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