Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i now understand why vodka
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
