If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sex in a hospital.. check
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
