Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
