I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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