So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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