I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize