She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
