you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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