I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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